Dirty World News

I just turned down a cash reward for returning a lost Blackberry that I found at a gas station the other night. The owner of the Blackberry thrusted a rolled up bill toward me from behind the wheel of her Cadillac Escalade and declared that "this is probably the best thing that's going to happen to you today." I politely declined.

What she didn't realize is that the value of everyone realizing how selflessly awesome I am after telling them about this vastly outweighs the monetary value of the cash.

Posted by Doug at 03:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Gilligan’s Island is usually dismissed as low-brow camp by most cultural warriors. Little do they know that this 60’s TV show was one of the first salvos fired in the Culture Wars by the gay left.

I knew it.

Posted by Doug at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've worked in the viral video game for a few years now, and when you have a hard drive with thousands of videos on it, things like this are bound to happen:

Posted by Doug at 09:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by Doug at 08:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I was going through my Gmail archives this afternoon, and I came across this old spam I received awhile back. After all this time, the closing to the email still makes me chuckle:

From: Ben Bergeron
Date: February 16, 2006 2:20:25 PM PST
To: XXXX@XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Subject: demitting message from Ben Bergeron
Reply-To: Ben Bergeron

Hi, Dear

I am a widower, and generally disappointed with new attempts at
relationships with women.
Being a total heterosexual, I have searched and tried many different
artificial vaginas.
Of course, the hand is great, but it is an entirely different feeling
than vaginal sex.
All the cheap and fake rubber and plastic artificial vaginas that I
have ever tried have found their way into the garbage can.
The first time I used it was a learning experience, but when I had
more time I used it twice today to an almost indescribable effect.
This device demands time to enjoy properly.
The control over orgasm is not so easy, but I can assure you will
leave so satisfied that you just might go to sleep afterwards.
This product is the real deal and worth every penny.

Bitch you make me hurl.
Your Ben

I just did a Google search for the phrase, and it appears as if the line comes from an Eminem song. It's still funny, though I am disappointed that my Ben Bergeron isn't quite as creative as I had been hoping these past 18 months.

Posted by Doug at 03:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Continue reading "AskMe April Fools" »

Posted by Doug at 09:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by Doug at 08:01 PM | Permalink